


Survival Log

by Destiny_Enemy



Category: Original Work
Genre: Apocalypse, Diary/Journal, Family Dynamics, Found Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23282242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiny_Enemy/pseuds/Destiny_Enemy
Summary: The log of my odd group and our survival at this time during the COVID-19 Epidemic. May you all be safe during this time...
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	1. Log #1

**Author's Note:**

> For the sake of my pack, I will be referring to them as numbers, ones that they have picked for the hell of it, and I will attempt to keep this as accurate as possible to our experience without letting out too much information about them.
> 
> There are 7 members of my pack, myself included.
> 
> There is #67, our resident certified crazy person. I kid, but he doesn't do much due to his mental and physical state, he often tells me he can't remember if this is reality or some fucked up dream, and sometimes I find myself questioning as well.
> 
> There is #117, he is the classic tough guy, and as of right now, the only person leaving the house regularly. He can also be an ass at times.
> 
> There is #63, the only member of the pack that is my own flesh and blood, and unfortunately the most useless of our group. She is so wrapped up in her own brain she rarely thinks of others and that has led to some unfortunate arguments between her and I.
> 
> There is #73, the leader of our group. He makes sure we're all sane and safe, and is often the voice of reason in tough situations. He knows how to take charge when need be, but also holds the compassion of a true leader, he has a heart of gold and is nothing short of a teddy bear at heart.
> 
> There is #1, 73's other half, she leads at his right-hand, while still being respectful of his role as leader. They are a team for the ages, and often remind me of my own angel.
> 
> There is me, I am the down to earth hope for the best, prepare for the worst one. I'm prepared to do what is necessary to keep my pack safe, even if my morals may be compromised should the worst happen.
> 
> And last but not least, there is Angel, MY other half. They have kept me sane long before this outbreak, and they continue to do so in this time. They are caring while still being able to stand up for themself, and they are there to keep me in check.

**Day #1, March 20th, 2020**

I hadn't planned to write about our survival during this outbreak, but after observing my peers it seems I may need this least I go insane. 

The COVID-19 epidemic started as a small problem, yet quickly turned sour. As of this date, there have been 275,548 confirmed cases, 11,385 deaths, and 91,533 recover patients.

As for our struggle, we were right to be weary of this virus, we started stocking up when we could, and we are fortunate to have our house stocked with food, medical and cleaning supplies, and hygiene products. 

We went on a supply run earlier today, all none essential businesses have been shut down and the public have been losing their minds, some of us joke about raiders, but we can't help but wonder if that will come true. The cabin fever is already setting in, and we have already discussed who the weak of the group are, only mostly joking.

I worry what will happen if we are forced to stay indoors, as I know there are people in our pack who don't always get along, and I fear we may run out of money before anything. As of now, we are uncomfortable, but adjusting.


	2. Log #2

**Day #3, March 22nd, 2020**  
  
I apologize for the lack of note yesterday, but there was nothing really TO note, unless you count me and Angel's late night emotional conversation, but I hardly think that's an appropriate topic for my logs.

We have learned that there may be a shelter in place order given out as early as Monday, and I can't help but think the worst, who's to say this ISN'T the end of the world? As I've told the rest of my pack, if destiny wants to fuck us over in the end, there's nothing we can do.

I tried an experiment today, I attempted to make Angel stay in their room, or at the very least take it easy, as they have been running around trying to fix everyone's problems, and I believed it would work, until they started finding new odd jobs to do. It appears my suspicions were correct as much as that pains me to say, they seem unable to keep still...

As for the rest of our pack, they seemed keen on letting Angel have a day off, but once again my fears were realised, they truly cannot survive without Angel's help, and it worries me. I don't wish for them to fall pray to the same trap my Father fell into, nor do I wish they should cut ties, because as much as it may pain them, their family doesn't wish to harm Angel with their requests, but it's human nature to be selfish, and sadly not even our pack can fight instinct.  
  
#1 decided to make dinner early today so #117 could eat before he left, yet the rest of the pack had no appetite yet, and while we thanked #1 for the food, we expressed not being able to eat quite yet. #1 seemed rather upset, even though she respects #73 as Angel does with me, it seems #117 can get under her skin, and it bothers me he holds this power over her, because he is fully willing to use it with little to no restraint...

#1 is also the most stressed in our pack, and though I hate to say it, even my patience is wearing thin with her. Most conversations these days are about how the world is ending, and though I believe it is important to know about the world around you, everyone is slowly losing hope the more news we get, and this seems to be the one thing #73 can't shake her on.

I also confronted Angel about their hostility towards #63, and they admitted to me about harboring some jealousy towards her, and I felt a small amount of satisfaction at that confession. But that is neither here nor there.

From now on out, I have made it my mission to help my pack survive and grow together, but I'm unsure if I can complete that task...


	3. Logs #3 and #4

**Day #5, March 24rd, 2020**

Angel and I had what I'd assume they construed as an argument today, and they have cut off communication with me, my attempts to get through to them have been met with strong resistance. They won't tell me what I said that upset them, but they suddenly became brittle and distant, I hope that they forgive me later on...  


**Day #6, March 25th, 2020**

I hadn't planned to connect these, but the situation with Angel has become worse. They said they forgive me for yesterday, but they have been increasingly angry with me at every annoyance. I fear there is something eating at them they refuse to tell me, and I worry that my repeated attempts to make them happy only upset them more...


	4. Log #5

**Day #10, March 29th, 2020**

The days seem to be slipping through my fingers, Angel and I have made up and grown angry time and time again, I fear this situation may put a strain on our relationship, yet I still hope it will help us grow. I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm tired of putting one foot in front of the other, yet I don't have a choice do I? Even my logs seem to mock me, I wonder how long it will take for my sanity to leave me too.

A thick fog has settled on us tonight, giving us the true feeling of the apocalypse, I believe it's fitting. I find myself stuck in a strange limbo, I'm waiting for the end to start, whilst still hoping this will pass.


	5. Log #6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠WARNING⚠  
> THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS CONTENT THAT MAY BE UPSETTING TO SOME READERS, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED

**Day #12, March 31st, 2020**

Things with Angel have become...complicated. I wish we were perfect, yet I'm sorely aware we are not. My own mental state has been rapidly deteriorating, I washed the dishes earlier today and I found myself staring at the knifes longer than I should have, the thoughts running through my mind were less than sane.

I haven't felt this way in years, the desire to slit something open and watch it pour red is suffocating, and I fear what will happen now that we are in lockdown. With such close proximity to everyone in this house, I worry I may become a threat to them or myself.

Even a prick, the pain is grounding and I feel trapped, like a rabid animal in a cage, like a wolf with a collar around it's neck. The need to claw my way up for air is strong and it makes my head spin, the voices in my brain are louder and I wonder how long it will be until they demand a sacrifice...


	6. Log #7

**Day #15, April 3rd, 2020**

This day seemed to be going well, but as it grew into the late evening, #1 finally cracked. Her stress and rage have been increasing due to this pandemic, and she hit her breaking point, finally boiling over.

I wonder how long it will be until the rest of use break...I fear Angel is nearing that point, I'm unsure as for the rest of us.

I winder what my break will be...mere rage? Tears? Or slaughter.


	7. Log #8

**Day #17, April 6th, 2020**

My head is reeling, I find myself unable to remember which day it is, this log feels like the only thing grounding me sometimes. 

My head aches, my limbs feel weak and wobbly, my desire to do anything has fizzled out and I'm growing lethargic. Morale in our little group has drained, the days are filled with silence, it hangs thick in the air, almost suffocating.

Angel and I are stable, but I feel something bubbling under the surface and it's taking blows to my sanity. At this point in time, #67 is one of the most sane members here...


	8. Log #9

**COVID-19 CASES**

**C **onfirmed: 1,846,680 Deaths: 114,090 Recovered: 421,497****

* * *

**Day #23, April 12th, 2020**

I feel like a feral animal somedays, like I'm pawing around in a cage. I haven't felt like this in years.

I need pain, a burning inside me that can ground my mind, I used to turn to alcohol or a blade to steady myself, but I can't do that now, I have a pack and they've fortunately drilled that out of me. But I can't quite shake this feeling. I've found the burn of a good workout can quench the feeling. Momentarily that is.

It's Easter Sunday, such a fun day correct? Colored eggs, cute baskets, rabbits that give you enough candy to make your insides explode. And of course let's not forget the religious aspect of it, Jesus' resurrection, if you're into that sort of thing. But that's neither here nor there, I'm not going to fill my logs with religion.

We started a garden today, #67 and I have high hopes for it, I can't help but think of it as a failsafe, whatever deity out there knows we may need it...


	9. Log #10

**Day #29, April 18th, 2020**

It's been a few days, my mental state is...unreliable. It switches too fast for me to correctly document, so I apologize for the lack of updates.

The weather here has been cold, we've even gotten a frost on worse nights, we can only hope our garden survives.

Angel and I have been stable, which is a comfort I indulge in, I don't have many of those these days. I realize I've failed to mention a very important person within our pack. She shall be known as "Diva". Some days she seems even more animal then I.

I found myself missing my own flesh and blood today, since we still have access to the internet and things of that nature we've been watching shows together, and the content reminded me of something my Father would enjoy. I miss him worse of all. I wonder if I'll get the chance to see him again...


	10. Log #11

**Day #36, April 25th, 2020**

This morning was rather uneventful, me, Angel, and #67 took care of some things in the backyard, mundane things such as mowing the lawn and moving trash, the world does go on even in the event of a pandemic.

However, as the day wore on, things turned...tense. After a seemingly pleasant day, #1 had another mental break, screaming at anyone crossing her path despite their intentions. She scared Diva terribly by kicking something out of the way, if it weren't for #67 I have no doubt she'd be shaking in the corner. Angel and #1 had a standoff of sorts, the tension in the air being so thick that it could be slit with a knife. I sent Angel downstairs before blood was shed, but it didn't seem to help, even #73 was done, perhaps even more emotionally drained then the rest of us.

As for me, I am watching everything with a careful eye, waiting for the moment threats are made and blood is shed. If we were fully quarantined to our house, I have no doubt at least one of us would be dead. We are a pack yes, but I see the cracks, the weak links, the tension that looms over us, the secrets that the others hold in their eyes, and a part of me, a dark suppressed part of me wants to pick at those cracks, to pull on the chain until it snaps under the pressure, just to feel something other than my mind shatter. But I don't, I bury that part deep down again, because I care about these people too much, I've grown too attached to break them, to hurt them like I know I can, because I care. I actually care about them.

I'm unsure still if that makes me weak, or stronger...


End file.
